My ways' the fun way
by TheSilverboar
Summary: A story where Neville is credited as the Boy-Who-Lived instead of Harry. Where Harry uses his mind as his ultimate tool and weapon. A story...where Harry and his best friend Dean enjoy pissing off the Purebloods with smart ass comments and muggle culture references! (Also note that for once...I'm writing a good Dumbledore story and making the plot holes for bad Dumbles explained)
1. Chapter 1

**AN: People who've read my stories will know that I tend to either go for 'badass adventure' stories or smart ass humor stories with each one having a small bit of the other…this is an attempt to create an even blend of both!**

 **AN2: A quick note is that I'll try to put at least one movie or show quote in every chapter. The first person to identify not only the quote but the movie in a review will be given a shout out in the next chapter.**

 **AN3: One last thing is that the OC Harry is paired with...is the waitress from the Dinner in the sixth movie...who in this story is going to be Dean's sister. Seriously, think about it. She says she saw a picture move and just smirks instead of freaking out. She can tell that Harry's the one in the paper but she clearly had never heard of someone worthy of being on the cover of a newspaper by the name of Harry Potter but doesn't try to find out or fan girl, she just smirks. It would make sense if she was Dean's sister (as the books says he has a few) and that she already knew about him and the magical world from her half-brother.**

My way's more fun

Chapter one

-Harry-

At the sound of his compartment door opening he looked up to see a black **(AN: If I offend anyone I apologize. I'm not trying to sound racist but I'm not sure what the politically correct term is in England. If I have any British readers…please let me know so I don't risk sounding like an asshole)** first year standing hesitantly in the partially open doorway. "Hey…do you mind if I sit here?" the new guy asked with a hesitant grin which he calmly returned.

"No problem," he said, gesturing with his pencil for his classmate to take a seat before proffering his hand "I'm Harry by the way, Harry Potter.".

"Dean Thomas." the newcomer said with a grin, taking the offered hand before they both moved Dean's trunk onto the overhead rack. "So," Dean asked after they got the trunk settled, gesturing towards the books he was scribbling notes into "what's that you're working on."

"Well when the schools Groundskeeper, Hagrid, gave me my letter and brought me to the alley I got to meet my family's account manager with the Goblins." He explained "While I can't access most of my family's funds until I turn seventeen I can access a trust fund, which gets refilled every year, as well as a small vault full of items my parents left me. These are my mom's old potion's texts which I found in there, I'm going through them and trying to learn why each ingredient causes what reaction.".

"So you like potions?" Dean asked as he showed his travelling companion the page he was looking at.

"Well ever since I was little my relatives made me do all the cooking," he said with a slight frown "and they would demand new unique dishes a lot so I had to learn what ingredients would taste good with what and have what effect. I'm using the same kind of idea with this.".

"Your relatives…you don't live with your parents?" Dean asked with a small frown causing him to look down sadly as he remembered what he had learned from his new Headmaster a couple weeks before.

-Flashback-

The knocking at his door woke him up as he got out of his four poster at the Leaky Cauldron with stretch, "Harry," the voice of Tom, the landlord, called out from the other side of the door "Headmaster Dumbledore is here to see you.".

"Thanks Tom!" he called out "I'll be down in a minute!" before putting on the clothes he had worn yesterday and walking down stairs to meet his new headmaster. Yesterday, when Hagrid had been about to take him back to the Dursleys, he had told the giant man flat out that he refused to go back to them ever again and then walked over to Tom to rent a room. Hagrid knew that the man couldn't force him to leave but said that Dumbledore would be coming to talk to him about his decision.

Getting down to the dining room he saw Tom point to a corner booth where he saw an old man with a long white beard sitting, "Ah, Harry," the old man said with a nod "good to see you. I was wondering if you could explain why you don't wish to return home to be with your relatives.".

Scowling he responded "They may be my relatives…but they're not my family…not with the way they treated me. And thanks to seeing how easily Hagrid stopped them…I know I don't have to be scared of them anymore.".

At his statement the old man frowned but just as he thought the man would brush off his statement and take him back Dumbledore asked "What do you mean…you don't have to be scared of them anymore?".

At that question he blinked in surprise and asked "You…you're not just going to brush me off? You're not going to send me back like all the others?".

"Harry…" the old man said hesitantly before pulling out several crystal vials and placed them on the table "I want you to think of the situations as to why you were scared of your relatives and why you thought I would ignore your wishes. I'll be using my wand to extract a copy of the memory to view. Is that alright with you?".

Nodding hesitantly and began thinking of the first memory, nodding when he got it as Dumbledore then extracted it, the process repeated a few more times. "I'll be back in about an hour," Dumbledore promised, "I just need to go view these.". Sure enough an hour later Dumbledore flooed back into the Cauldron, the old man looking incredibly shaken before walking over to the booth where he was eating breakfast.

"Did…did you view the memories?" he asked hesitantly.

"I did…and I must beg for your forgiveness Harry." The old man said weakly, the Headmaster seemingly aging ten years before his eyes.

"For what?" he asked in confusion.

"For placing you with them in the first place," Dumbledore said sadly "I…I didn't have any other choice but I'm still sorry. You see your godfather was arrested the day after your parent's death and your godmother…she refused to take you.".

"What?" he breathed in shock "I…I have a godfather? A godmother? Why…why was he arrested? Why did she reject me?".

"You see Harry," Dumbledore explained "on that night in nineteen eighty one a Dark Lord by the name of Lord Voldemort attacked your home in Godric's Hollow. You were there, along with your parents, your god brother, and your god brother's grandmother. Voldemort attacked and your father tried to hold him off to buy your mother time to get you and the others to safety. After Voldemort killed him he ordered your mother and your god brother's grandmother to step aside so he could kill you and your god brother…he told them that he would spare them if they did so…they refused and so he killed them before trying to kill you and your god brother.".

"What…what was his name?" he asked weakly, wondering if his god brother had died and if that was the reason his godmother had rejected him.

"His name _is_ Neville Longbottom and he's still alive Harry." Dumbledore explained softly. "After killing your mother and Neville's grandmother he turned his wand on the two of you and cast the killing curse…it rebounded and destroyed him.".

"How do you know all of this is Neville and I were the only ones to survive?" he asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Your mother," Dumbledore said with a sad smile that still conveyed how proud the old man was of the woman in question "she was trying to develop new rune arrays and uses and managed to create a rune that could record an image and then allow it to be projected from a crystal. She had them set up throughout your house as security. When it got to the point where he pointed his wand at you and Neville…well the angle of it prevented us from seeing who the actual curse would have struck and the rebound destroyed the recorder rune so the crystal didn't get any more footage. The ministry declared Neville Longbottom as the boy who lived as he's what's known as a pureblood.".

"Hagrid explained that term to be along with the others," he said with a scowl at what was said "but that doesn't explain why my godmother rejected me…or why my godfather was arrested.".

"Well your family's home was under the protection of something known as the fidelius charm which prevents anyone from finding a location unless told of it by the 'secret keeper'. Your godfather was the secret keeper for your family…or at least that's what was believed.".

"What do you mean?" he asked in confusion.

"Your parents, along with your godfather Sirius, were talking about how he would be too obvious of a choice for Secret Keeper and wanted to change who it was. I never did so, and should have been the only one able to as the one who cast the spell…but I'm positive your mother would have been able to learn the spell. I believe that she learned the spell and they took down my fidelius before replacing it with her own and her own choice of secret keeper.".

"But let me guess," he scowled "like with them deciding Neville was the one to rebound the curse…since my mother wasn't a pureblood they declared that theory impossible and flawed.".

"In a nutshell," Dumbledore said with a wince "your godmother had your godfather arrested, as she blamed the man for the death of Neville's grandmother, and I believe she used her new influence as the mother of the Boy-Who-Lived to have Sirius sent to prison for life without trial. I've tried to get him one…but the Ministry managed to make the position of Chief Warlock to be little more than a glorified judge with a voting seat.".

"Thanks for at least trying," he said with a sigh as he ran a hand through his hair at all of the new information he was being told "and my new godmother?".

"She told me you'd just grow up to be average and jealous of Neville's 'great power'," Dumbledore said with a clearly angered scowl "and refused to take you in…I was given no other choice but to send you to live with your only other living relative, your Aunt.".

"But now?" he asked hesitantly.

"Now I am going to _ruin_ them." Dumbledore growled "I'll see them locked away for life.".

"Thank you sir," he said with a grateful smile as he stood up and shook hands with the headmaster "I'll see you when term starts.".

"You're welcome Harry." Dumbledore said with a nod before looking at him with a raised eyebrow "You know…you're very mature for an eleven year old.".

At that statement he frowned slightly "Growing up with the Dursleys…I had to be.".

-End Flashback-

"That's messed up." Dean said with a disgusted scowl after he had explained what had happened.

"No kidding." he said, just as upset before he felt a shifting on top of his head as he reached up and plucked the small black kitten off. "Have a good nap Loki?" he asked the small black furred bundle who simply gave a kittenish coo and batted his nose happily.

"Was he…in your hair?" Dean asked with a raised eyebrow as his new friend looked at the small kitten.

"He always makes sure to nap there." He said with a shrug as he placed the small feline on his shoulder and scratched Loki's ear, "He blends in with my hair and thinks he's a ninja.".

"Ninja kitties aside-" Dean began only for the door to the compartment to be forced open as he turned to see a tall lanky red head and a pudgy brunette who was on the shorter side.

"Get out," the pudgy brunette "this is my compartment now.".

He and Dean stared blankly at the two for a moment before resuming their conversation "As I was saying-" Dean began only for the Brunette to start yelling.

"Didn't you hear me you peons?!" the brunette demanded "I am Neville Longbottom! The Boy-Who-Lived!". At the name of his 'god brother' he froze before narrowing his eyes as the corners of his mouth tilted upwards in the hints of a smirk which he idly noted out of the corner of his eye that Dean had seen.

Before he had been planning on giving his god brother the benefit of the doubt, it wasn't Neville's fault that his godmother had tossed him aside…but that plan just went flying out the window to have a painful death. "Do I look like I care Mr. Bigbutt?" he asked with a raised eyebrow.

"It's Longbottom!" Neville yelled angrily.

"Oh yeah, like that's any better." He snickered as Neville turned a lovely shade of puce.

"Why you-" Neville began before Dean decided to return the favor from before and cut the asshole off.

"Just go away will you? Neither of us grew up in the magical world…we don't give a shit about your title.".

"Fine," Neville scowled "but know this…you've made the enemy of house Longbottom this day.".

Watching Neville stalk off down the corridor with the red head he grinned and stuck his head out the door for one last parting shot "Your mother was a hamster and your father smelled of elder berries!".


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Alright peoples! I put two quotes in the last chapter so lets see who identified them first in the Reviews!**

 **Quote 1: "Your Mother was a Hamster and your Father Smelled of Elder Berries"; Exact quote; Source: Monty Python and the Holy Grail; identified by…"Divine Dragon Emperor"**

 **Quote 2: "Do I look like I Care Mr. Bigbutt?" "It's Longbottom!" "Oh yeah, like that's any better"; altered quote (Original quote- "Good day Mr. Sheepsbutt." "It's Ramsbottom." "Oh yeah, like that's any better"; source: "Despicable Me 2"; identified by…NOBODY! Nobody commented on this one**

My way's the Fun Way

Chapter 2

-Harry-

The compartment was filled with nothing but the sound of him and Dean laughing at his parting shot for a few moments before they heard running footsteps and a girl with bushy brown hair stood panting in the doorway "WHO QUOTED MONTY PYTHON?!" she yelled "I HEARD THE WORDS OF MY PEOPLE!".

He was silent for a second, as was Dean, before they shared a glance and the silence was shattered "Huzzah!" Dean exclaimed "A fellow lover of true entertainment!".

"It is so nice to meet someone with a brain." He said as he stood up and began shaking one of her hands energetically, Dean doing the same with the other one as the girl giggled.

"So what caused you to use such a gloriously delivered line?" the girl asked as she sat down next to Dean and across from him "And who'd you even use it on?".

"I think a better first topic would be introductions." He said with a small grin as the girl flushed slightly. "I'm Harry, Harry Potter. My friend who's next to you is Dean Thomas. The brilliant owl in her cage there is Hedwig. And finally this," he pulled Loki out of his hair "is my ninja Kitty Loki.".

"A pleasure." The girl said, shaking hands with Dean once more before stroking Hedwig's feathers and then scratching Loki's ears. "And I'm Hermione," she said with a smile "Hermione Granger.".

"Well Hermione," he said with a strained grin "to answer your earlier questions I used that to mock my 'god brother' Neville Longbottom." Before explaining, what Neville had done as well as his 'situation' with the Longbottom family. Hermione was understandably pissed and the cabin fell into a slightly awkward silence for a few moments before he got an idea and gave a goblin like grin "Hey…how'd you two like to help me with something that will piss off every Pureblood supremist at Hogwarts?".

"Depends on what it is." Hermione said warily the same moment Dean exclaimed "Hell yes!".

"I'm voting that we go through Hogwarts…muggle style." He said with a grin "We constantly use Muggle references, we use muggle pens, wear muggle clothes, and to top it off…watch muggle media!".

"But Electronics don't work at Hogwarts or anywhere with a lot of magic." Hermione said with a frown as she looked down depressed.

"Actually I looked into that," he said with a small grin "most people believe that because of the Ministry of Magic's 'study' but I didn't buy it so I did my own. The problem isn't about magic stopping electronics…Purebloods just don't know how to change a battery.".

All was silent for a few moments before two loud slaps echoed when Hermione and Dean both gave rather impressive face palms. "Wizard's first rule my friends," he said happily "people are stupid!".

"How can anyone be that dumb." Hermione groused before she gave him a vicious smirk "I am definitely in…so long as we go after a rather rude blonde Pureblood who called me a name that I believe is apparently a racial slur in the Magical world.".

"What'd he call you?" he asked, hoping it wasn't what he thought it was.

"He called me a 'mudblood'." Hermione said with a small confused frown causing him to snarl angrily.

"Okay…now I'm gonna kill him." He growled angrily as he moved to get up only for Dean and Hermione to pull him back down.

"Okay Harry," Dean said with a frown "what's the word mean?".

"It's a pureblood insult geared towards Muggleborns." He said angrily "It's their way of saying that you are mud, your parents are mud, your grandparents, your brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles. Their way of saying that every damn person you're related too is mud and worthless because you don't come from an all wizard family.".

Dean and Hermione froze before growing just as angry as he was, "I'll help you hide the body." Dean said seriously and tried to rise up along with him to go beat the arrogant prick before Hermione pulled them both down.

"Don't," Hermione ordered firmly "we can't go attacking him, we'd get in trouble." Making them both pout before she gave them a vicious smirk "So we'll just have to ruin life psychologically until the lesson is ground into his thick little skull.".

"I knew I liked you for a reason." He said happily as they cackled and began plotting, their plans greatly helped by the fact that he had his father's journals which were all full of prank notes and schematics, even instructions for how to build a 'Marauders Map' and the improvements made over the original model.

Several hours later they were all walking out onto the platform at Hogsmede, their little group waving happily to Hagrid who waved back with a grin, before being divided into boats, an Irishman joining their boat to make four. Once everyone was settled into the boats Hagrid called for them to move forward as magic began to pull the small ships across the lake, Hagrid's booming voice carrying back to them "You'll be getting your first view of Hogwarts soon.".

Sure enough just after Hagrid finished speaking they rounded a corner and he lay eyes on the majesty castle and he couldn't think of any word to describe her other than glorious. The castle towered over the landscape, bathed in pale moonlight as ripples danced across her stone surface, reflected from the shimmering lake they journeyed across. Dozens of windows winked down at them, their gaze illuminated with the warmth of candles lit as the ancient structure seemed to almost smile down at them in a motherly welcoming fashion, as if to say 'welcome home, I've been waiting for you'.

"Wow." He breathed in awe, his jaw hanging loose as he stared at the twinkling structure, his words echoed by his shipmates.

After their boats pulled to a stop at the shore Hagrid stepped forward, glancing to make sure nobody fell into the lake, and then knocked against an oaken door with a loud cannon like boom. "The first years professor McGonagall." Hagrid said formally to the stern looking woman who opened the door.

"Thank you Hagrid." She said gratefully "I'll take them from here. All of you, come with me." She ordered as she led them through several corridors before ushering them into a room a decent distance from what he assumed was the main hall by the sounds coming from it. "I shall go make sure they are ready for you. You should use this time to make yourselves…presentable." Before she spun around and marched out.

All was silent as people nervously fixed their appearance until he noticed something out of the corner of his eye as he gaped "Dean…Hermione…" he said weakly as they turned towards him "I see dead people." Causing everyone to look where he was, several people he assumed were muggleborns screaming at the sight of the floating ghosts. The panic caused by the ghosts was quickly dispersed when people processed what he had said as well as the fact that the ghosts were having a jovial debate as several muggleborns began talking about the different houses with the specters.

"The hall is ready for your now." The voice of McGonagall spoke up, making him jump slightly as he hadn't heard the woman, she had to have the reflexes of a cat, before he followed her towards the Great Hall where, after listening to a freaking hat sing a song, they were told to let the hat be placed upon their heads to sort them.

He watched with admittedly little interest until Hermione was called up where she happily jogged up to the stool and jammed the hat on her head and seemed to be having an amusing conversation with the piece of felt if her expressions were anything to go by before it yelled out "Gryffindor!" making him and Dean give overly manly cheers along with the house of the lions.

He again drifted out of focus until Neville was called up as he was curious as to what would happen. The hat had barely touched the prat's hair when the enchanted accessory recoiled and gave the staff what he assumed was supposed to be 'puppy eyes' "Do I have to sort him?" the hat asked as everyone gaped.

"Yes Mr. hat," Dumbledore said in exasperation "you have to sort all students.".

"But I don't wanna!" the hat whined as whispers started.

"You have to." Dumbledore said firmly.

"I could if I would but I can't so I shan't." the hat sung smugly making him laugh along with Dean and Hermione.

"Then what do you suggest?" Professor McGonagall asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Let the Headmaster decide," the hat said instantly before turning grave "but I warn you, choose wisely.".

"Just pick your House." Dumbledore told Neville as the spoiled brat instantly went over to Gryffindor.

"He choose…poorly." The hat said sadly before the sorting continued.

Eventually though he heard "Harry Potter!" as he walked up, idly noticing Neville's surprised expression before the hat's brim covered his face.

"Ah," the voice of the hat spoke inside his mind "I've been looking forward to sorting you and Mr. Thomas after meeting Ms. Granger. Such a delightful girl that one. Now I plan to put you all in Gryffindor for one simple reason…anyone who can come up with the plan you three did has bigger balls than a giant…and I fully approve of it! If you ever need any help just call out for one of the elves and tell them to bring me to you!".

"You got it my friend." He said with a laugh before the hat yelled out for him to go to Gryffindor, Dean following him a few moments later. As they watched the rest of the sorting, not really paying attention to it, they waited for the feast to start, eagerly digging in when it began before he glanced up and saw a hook nosed teacher arguing with Professor Quirrell.

"Hey," he asked an older student "who's that man talking to Professor Quirrell?".

"Hmm?" the student asked before looking up and wincing "That's Professor Snape. He teaches potions but…hey, where are you going?" the student demanded upon noticing him standing up and walking up to the staff table, the rest of the hall growing silent.

"Excuse me sir," he began when he reached the two men, the professors stopping their argument to turn towards him "are you Severus Snape? The man my parents went to school with?".

"Yes." The man said, giving him a wary and distrusting glance.

Nodding he reached into his shoulder bag and pulled out a sealed envelope, "This is yours sir." He said "I…I got it from the wreckage of my parents house in a hidden room…its addressed to you and my mother mentioned you in her journals.".

"What?!" the professor yelled before snatching the letter and staring at the handwriting on it in shock.

"I thought you should have it." He said seriously "It looked like it had only just been written shortly before…before the attack. Anyway, enjoy your meal sir.". With that he turned around and walked back to his table, hoping that whatever was in the letter could help the man who he assumed hadn't had closure from his parent's death by the expression on the Potion's professor's face.

 **AN: Alright people, there are FIVE total quotes in this chapter so good luck guessing them. Also, if you have any good quotes, lines, or references then tell me via PM and if I like them, I'll use them.**


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